• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same
offence!

• Heght of optimism:
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!

• Said to a railroad engineer: What's the use of having a train
schedule if the trains are always late.
Rilroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have
a schedule?

• A girl came back home from the school and asked her
grandmother, "Granny, what is a lover?"
"A lover?" the grandmother said. "Let me think. Lov.... Lover.... Oh,
my God!"
She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a
hidden closet door. She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young
man fell out from the closet.

• A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks
to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to
say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?

• Banta: Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has
made love to every woman in our street except one."
Wife: I'll bet it's that stuck-up Rupa at number 14.

• Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge said: What will you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

• Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: Knock on the door.

• Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your
brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from!

• The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in
this case?
No sir, your honor, sir," replied Banta, "I've got a lawyer to do the
defendin'. I'm the person who done it.

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