Did you ever stop and wonder ?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll Squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?



Optimism
Battalion: "Sir, we're surrounded!"

Army Officer: "Excellent. We can attack in any direction!"




Sayings
Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the
other is a husband

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted
cash

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new
school uniforms

Don't feel bad, a lot of people have no talent

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live
without,,, because whatever you do, you'll regret it later

You can't buy love . . but you pay heavily for it

True friends stab you in the front

Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired

Marriage is give and take, you'd better give it to her or she'll take it
anyway

My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me

Ladies first, pretty ladies sooner

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the
same person

You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends
up with the same boss

Early to bed, early to rise, your girl goes out with other guys

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books

Saving is the best thing, especially when your parents have done it for you

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they
have to say something

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets
to speak

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