Guitar, for sale....... strings attached.

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.

My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks
straight out of the bottle.

You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on
lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.

Sign in a bar: "Those of you who are drinking to forget, please pay in

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions

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